Finding Strength in Closure: Our IVF Capsule & Moving Forward

Sometimes, life gives us unexpected reminders of the hope and love we’ve poured into our dreams. This past week, while sorting through old keepsakes, I stumbled across two treasures that brought me back to a time when my husband and I were fully invested in our journey to start a family.

The first was a box tucked away in the loft, filled with carefully chosen baby items and maternity clothes. I’d put these things aside during a hopeful time in our life - when we were trying to conceive, navigating IVF, and planning for a future we so deeply believed in. There was the classic book, Guess How Much I Love You, a matching teddy bear, and even tiny gifts my auntie had returned for our future child. Seeing those things again was bittersweet, but it also felt like a warm hug from my past self, a reminder of how much love and hope we carried, even in the face of uncertainty.

The second was a mason jar I found while cleaning out a draw in my home office. Inside were small pieces of folded paper filled with notes my husband and I wrote during our IVF journey in 2019. Each piece captured a moment: our first clinic appointment, the injections, our emotions, our love and compassion for each other and the little things we did to stay strong, like yoga and meditation. It chronicled everything, from the excitement of being able to start stims to the heartbreak of learning our journey wouldn’t end with an embryo.

At the time, it felt like the world stopped. The IVF journey had asked so much of us - emotionally, physically, financially - and it was devastating to reach the end without the outcome we’d dreamed of. But holding those notes now, years later, doesn’t feel like sadness. Instead, it feels like a testament to our strength, individually and most importantly as a couple.

We’ve grown so much since then, in so many ways. In February last year, I had a hysterectomy, bringing another chapter of this journey to a close. My husband and I have slowly redefined what life looks like for us. While the dream of a child isn’t part of our current path, we’ve embraced other sources of joy including: travel, our two pugs, Bentley and Luna, and the freedom to shape our future in ways we hadn’t imagined before.

Finding these treasures felt like closure. They reminded me of how invested we were, how much hope we carried, and ultimately, how brave we were to face it all. I wanted to share this because I know how lonely and isolating the fertility journey can feel. For anyone navigating this path, I hope our story shows that it’s okay to grieve, to hope, and to eventually close a chapter with peace in your heart.

If I could say one thing to myself back then, it would be this: “You are stronger than you know, and no matter how your story unfolds, there is life, love, and happiness waiting for you.”

To anyone reading this who is still in the thick of it, please know you’re not alone. There is no right or wrong way to process this journey, only your way. And that, in itself, is powerful.

LBH x

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